033. [Text]

[explosivecombat]

The standard example of existential anguish is said to be standing on the edge of a cliff or other high place; there inevitably comes a moment in most self-aware individuals where they experience the realization that not only do they fear falling to their death, but there's nothing stopping them from throwing themselves off. I've always found it strange that a moment of experiencing true freedom like that would be considered distressing rather than a relief; knowing that there's nothing holding me back - that I am in full control of my own choices, whether it's to stand perfectly still or throw myself off - and there is nothing pre-written into whatever it is that I am that will dictate what I do either way is something I've always found calming.

It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?

If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.

For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?

I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.

Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.

(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)

Comments

[explosivecombat]

Some of them do. A fair few are terribly mundane, but those that aren't make the experiment worth the effort.

I don't suppose you have an answer for me?

[sadisticwarfare]

I don't. I'm curious to hear what others have had to say. I doubt I'll be getting much work done at this rate anyway.

[text/locked]

[explosivecombat]

[...let him lock this, then, just because conversations like this tend to dissolve immediately into BOY, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY territory.]

Something on your mind, Archer?

[sadisticwarfare]

Well, I've learned I shouldn't check the device while I'm working on the off chance that you've posted something thought-provoking.

[...Hang on, that isn't supposed to sound like he's blaming you for it.]

I have no problems with that, of course; the fault is entirely my own for letting myself get distracted.

Something about your topic today isn't sitting right with me, though I can't pinpoint what it is.

[explosivecombat]

Really, I took it as a compliment; if I managed to distract you from your work, that's a bit of an accomplishment on my end.

[...Kimblee...]

Do you know what aspect of it is causing that reaction, at least?

[sadisticwarfare]

It certainly is. Usually only Alekhine can accomplish that.

I'm not entirely sure. I'm bothered by the idea that we choose our fears, even on a subconscious level. I suppose it's the fact that there's nothing that can be done about it, if that makes sense? Yes, you could expose yourself repeatedly to the thing you fear (assuming it is something you can expose yourself to in the first place), but that doesn't necessarily mean that you can overcome that fear. It's not the sort of thing I've ever bothered to think about before.

[explosivecombat]

You don't like the idea of static points overall, though, do you? The idea that something can't be changed regardless of any effort you may put in bothers you; you don't like the idea of inevitability, and you don't like the loss of control that comes with admitting that some things can't be fixed.

[sadisticwarfare]

[That's... either really creepy or really flattering, Kimblee. He's leaning more towards "flattering" since he's been in almost constant contact with you for three years.]

That's very true. I don't like admitting that there's nothing I can do in any given situation; there should always be another way out if you look hard enough. Again, I hadn't thought about it like that but yes, you're right.

[explosivecombat]

And the phrasing I've used implies that the unfixable situation is possibly your own doing, on top of it.

Personally, I don't believe in impossible situations; I've seen enough to know that virtually nothing is. Take that as you will, I suppose.

[sadisticwarfare]

Exactly.

It's good to know we're in agreement, then.

Have you received any particularly amusing responses?

1/2

[explosivecombat]

Someone responded who's even more obsessed with survival as a life philosophy than I am, so that was a bit surreal.

Otherwise, nothing particularly interesting.

2/2 - locked from here on out

[explosivecombat]

[Just. Let him lock the feed before resuming, Archer.]

Unless you count the fact that I've gotten Homunculi responding to me, that is.

[sadisticwarfare]

I wasn't aware that was possible.

Homunculi? Which ones? What did they have to say?

[explosivecombat]

[...WOW, THANKS, ASSHOLE.]

Well, the version of Envy here is similar to the one I know; he generally talks to me if I'm bored, and he's decent enough conversation. We discussed Central for a while; he also confirmed that Lust has shown up here recently.

Your world's version of Lust, that is. Did you have any problems with her that I should know about?

[sadisticwarfare]

[You're welcome! c: ]

I've never met Lust. I know nothing about the one from my world. Did you get any information about her out of Envy?

[explosivecombat]

No. I just confirmed that she's here.

[sadisticwarfare]

I'm sure one of us will run into her eventually. I wonder if she'll be anything like the Lust from your world.

[explosivecombat]

I haven't any idea, but if Envy is any indication, there's a strong chance she will be, at least in personality.

[YOU CAN JUST HEAR THE ONE DIRECTION LAUGH TRACK STARTING UP.]

Fullmetal is apparently back, by the way. I wonder how long he'll be around this time.

[sadisticwarfare]

It's a shame it wasn't the one who was here before, she was amusing.

Ah, is he? I doubt it'll be long before he returns home.

[explosivecombat]

She was, yes; her company was...interesting, if a bit on the confusing side from time to time. But that's how it tends to be when the Homunculi are around, I suppose; they're rather persuasive when they want to be, and they make it rather easy to return to old habits.

As for Fullmetal, I have yet to speak to him myself, but I know he's around; perhaps I'll talk to him, perhaps I won't. It depends on if he has anything worthwhile to say.

[sadisticwarfare]

I would have liked to have met more of them. They're certainly interesting, if nothing else.

As long as it isn't the version of Fullmetal I knew.

[explosivecombat]

I don't believe it is; is there something there that I should know about, or is it like Mustang in which he just annoys you?

[sadisticwarfare]

He's certainly annoying, though if he comes from a point in time where he remember Liore he most likely won't be pleased to see me. He attempted to stop me, but it would have taken much more than a child to prevent me from ordering the invasion.

[explosivecombat]

...Archer, did you shoot him?

[sadisticwarfare]

What? Of course I didn't shoot him.

[...]

Though I can't say that's really a baseless assumption, considering the fact that I attempted to pull a gun on him less than twenty-four hours earlier.