explosivecombat | 033. [Text]

The standard example of existential anguish is said to be standing on the edge of a cliff or other high place; there inevitably comes a moment in most self-aware individuals where they experience the realization that not only do they fear falling to their death, but there's nothing stopping them from throwing themselves off. I've always found it strange that a moment of experiencing true freedom like that would be considered distressing rather than a relief; knowing that there's nothing holding me back - that I am in full control of my own choices, whether it's to stand perfectly still or throw myself off - and there is nothing pre-written into whatever it is that I am that will dictate what I do either way is something I've always found calming.

It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?

If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.

For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?

I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.

Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.

(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)

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I don't see anything amusing about it. Mustang being an idiot is more grating than amusing.

Of course I'm serious. Why would I joke about something like this?

Oh, it's not exactly that I think you're joking. However...well. Let's start with why you pulled a gun on him to begin with, shall we?

I could say it was due to stress and as a result I snapped, but that wouldn't be true. I saw the opportunity to get rid of Fullmetal in "self-defense" and I was willing to take it.

...Thinking back on it, I really should have at least attempted to shoot Mustang as well.

...At least you're honest about it.

[But then, people from your world tend to have a problem with keeping their mouths shut...

...

...He really should say something about Greed and he knows it, but he's finding himself disinclined for a reason he can't really articulate; he has Greed's word that no harm will come to Archer, anyway, and it's not as though death is permanent around here even if that was a barefaced lie. Here's hoping Greed knows what's good for him.]

There's no sense in lying to you. You can read me far too well.

Oh, is that the only reason you don't?

I'm almost offended.

There's no need to be offended, Kimblee. You know me too well to believe that that's the only reason.

[...Oh, good, we're back to Socially Awkward Hour. Ever since he noticed exactly how cyclical your conversations tend to get, he kind of can't unsee it.]

Yes, of course. I'm not about to deny that.

[...Shut up.]

Good. The last thing we need is for you to stoop to Mustang's intelligence level.

Oh, that was uncalled for - is that how you're going to insult me when you truly mean it, then?

Perhaps. We'll find out at some point, won't we?

Your faith in me is astounding.

If you want me to be perfectly honest, that wasn't entirely a jab at you. I'm prone to losing my temper over absolutely nothing at all, as I'm sure you've noticed.

Remind me to post philosophical questions more often; you're surprisingly self-aware today.

Not that I'm complaining about that, mind you.

It only happens once in a great while, I know.

Keep this up and I'll start wondering if you're ill.

I imagine it's either that or you want something.

Come now, that's rather rude to assume, isn't it?

Ah, perhaps, and we both know I can't have that.

It certainly would be odd if you suddenly stopped caring about that.

...Tell me that you wouldn't take it as a sign that I was either ill or wanting something, however.

Oh of course, but that would be rude, wouldn't it?

...Not that I've ever cared about that.

You really are in a good mood.

Any reason in particular?

No, although it does feel good to take a break from working.

I don't suppose you want to join me outside - it looks like it's going to storm today.

Do you want to get soaked?

Where would you like to meet?

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explosivecombat - 2014-05-15 08:45 (UTC) - Expand

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