033. [Text]

[explosivecombat]

The standard example of existential anguish is said to be standing on the edge of a cliff or other high place; there inevitably comes a moment in most self-aware individuals where they experience the realization that not only do they fear falling to their death, but there's nothing stopping them from throwing themselves off. I've always found it strange that a moment of experiencing true freedom like that would be considered distressing rather than a relief; knowing that there's nothing holding me back - that I am in full control of my own choices, whether it's to stand perfectly still or throw myself off - and there is nothing pre-written into whatever it is that I am that will dictate what I do either way is something I've always found calming.

It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?

If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.

For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?

I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.

Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.

(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)

Comments

[sadisticwarfare]

[You're welcome! c: ]

I've never met Lust. I know nothing about the one from my world. Did you get any information about her out of Envy?

[explosivecombat]

No. I just confirmed that she's here.

[sadisticwarfare]

I'm sure one of us will run into her eventually. I wonder if she'll be anything like the Lust from your world.

[explosivecombat]

I haven't any idea, but if Envy is any indication, there's a strong chance she will be, at least in personality.

[YOU CAN JUST HEAR THE ONE DIRECTION LAUGH TRACK STARTING UP.]

Fullmetal is apparently back, by the way. I wonder how long he'll be around this time.

[sadisticwarfare]

It's a shame it wasn't the one who was here before, she was amusing.

Ah, is he? I doubt it'll be long before he returns home.

[explosivecombat]

She was, yes; her company was...interesting, if a bit on the confusing side from time to time. But that's how it tends to be when the Homunculi are around, I suppose; they're rather persuasive when they want to be, and they make it rather easy to return to old habits.

As for Fullmetal, I have yet to speak to him myself, but I know he's around; perhaps I'll talk to him, perhaps I won't. It depends on if he has anything worthwhile to say.

[sadisticwarfare]

I would have liked to have met more of them. They're certainly interesting, if nothing else.

As long as it isn't the version of Fullmetal I knew.

[explosivecombat]

I don't believe it is; is there something there that I should know about, or is it like Mustang in which he just annoys you?

[sadisticwarfare]

He's certainly annoying, though if he comes from a point in time where he remember Liore he most likely won't be pleased to see me. He attempted to stop me, but it would have taken much more than a child to prevent me from ordering the invasion.

[explosivecombat]

...Archer, did you shoot him?

[sadisticwarfare]

What? Of course I didn't shoot him.

[...]

Though I can't say that's really a baseless assumption, considering the fact that I attempted to pull a gun on him less than twenty-four hours earlier.

[explosivecombat]

...Well, that sounds like a story.

Go on.

[sadisticwarfare]

Unfortunately it isn't very amusing. He started ranting because of something Mustang said regarding his height, so I attempted to pull a gun on him. Mustang stopped me, then proceeded to act like I hadn't just attempted to point a gun at a child.

...Sometimes I really wonder how the Mustang from your world and the one from mine could be the same people.

[explosivecombat]

The next time you tell me something "isn't very amusing," I'm going to press you to tell me anyway because there was nothing about that that wasn't entirely ridiculous. Are you serious?

[sadisticwarfare]

I don't see anything amusing about it. Mustang being an idiot is more grating than amusing.

Of course I'm serious. Why would I joke about something like this?

[explosivecombat]

Oh, it's not exactly that I think you're joking. However...well. Let's start with why you pulled a gun on him to begin with, shall we?

[sadisticwarfare]

I could say it was due to stress and as a result I snapped, but that wouldn't be true. I saw the opportunity to get rid of Fullmetal in "self-defense" and I was willing to take it.

...Thinking back on it, I really should have at least attempted to shoot Mustang as well.

[explosivecombat]

...At least you're honest about it.

[But then, people from your world tend to have a problem with keeping their mouths shut...

...

...He really should say something about Greed and he knows it, but he's finding himself disinclined for a reason he can't really articulate; he has Greed's word that no harm will come to Archer, anyway, and it's not as though death is permanent around here even if that was a barefaced lie. Here's hoping Greed knows what's good for him.]

[sadisticwarfare]

There's no sense in lying to you. You can read me far too well.

[explosivecombat]

Oh, is that the only reason you don't?

I'm almost offended.

[sadisticwarfare]

There's no need to be offended, Kimblee. You know me too well to believe that that's the only reason.

[explosivecombat]

[...Oh, good, we're back to Socially Awkward Hour. Ever since he noticed exactly how cyclical your conversations tend to get, he kind of can't unsee it.]

Yes, of course. I'm not about to deny that.

[sadisticwarfare]

[...Shut up.]

Good. The last thing we need is for you to stoop to Mustang's intelligence level.

[explosivecombat]

Oh, that was uncalled for - is that how you're going to insult me when you truly mean it, then?

[sadisticwarfare]

Perhaps. We'll find out at some point, won't we?