033. [Text]

[explosivecombat]

The standard example of existential anguish is said to be standing on the edge of a cliff or other high place; there inevitably comes a moment in most self-aware individuals where they experience the realization that not only do they fear falling to their death, but there's nothing stopping them from throwing themselves off. I've always found it strange that a moment of experiencing true freedom like that would be considered distressing rather than a relief; knowing that there's nothing holding me back - that I am in full control of my own choices, whether it's to stand perfectly still or throw myself off - and there is nothing pre-written into whatever it is that I am that will dictate what I do either way is something I've always found calming.

It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?

If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.

For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?

I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.

Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.

(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)

Comments

[explosivecombat]

Do as you like. They're a bit on the unusual side, but they shouldn't be a threat here.

[doitrockapella]

You realize that "do as you like" doesn't really respond to the question asked, you know.

But I'll keep that in mind.

[explosivecombat]

Well, if I thought that you should stay away from them, I would say so.

[doitrockapella]

I know. Most of the time the answer really lies in what you haven't said, not in what you have.

It's just amusing, considering how you called yourself on circling around things once already, earlier.

[explosivecombat]

That was just getting counterproductive.

[doitrockapella]

When you've had your fill of hearing about people's fears, I have an alternative suggestion for how you might stay entertained today.

[explosivecombat]

Go on.

[doitrockapella]

Remember that toy Caroline put together for me?

[explosivecombat]

...I do, yes.

[doitrockapella]

You could see if they fit.

And then find yourself a precipice.

[explosivecombat]

As long as you're willing to push me off.

[doitrockapella]

I can't honestly say it'd be the first time I've contemplated it.

[explosivecombat]

If the feeling weren't mutual I may have had to be mildly offended. However...

[doitrockapella]

Does that mean you're willing to return the favor?

[explosivecombat]

It would be rather rude to do otherwise.

[doitrockapella]

Some might disagree, when you consider the nature of the favor. But I also doubt most people would share our mutual penchant for experiencing the rush of gravity.

How long can I expect to have the pleasure of your company?

[explosivecombat]

That depends solely on how long you want it.

[doitrockapella]

You might be gone awhile.

[explosivecombat]

How long?

[doitrockapella]

Are you worried about missing your curfew?

[explosivecombat]

Should I be opposed to missing my curfew for some reason? You know what I'm coming back to.

[doitrockapella]

Well, in the interest of nipping another game of "how long can we answer each other's questions with more questions" in the bud, I think I can come up with enough diversions to keep you entertained well past your curfew.

[explosivecombat]

Consider me intrigued, then.

[doitrockapella]

Does that put you in a better mood?

My fears are all acquired ones, by the way. I'm one of the ones who responds to my fears by making myself face them.

[explosivecombat]

It does, in some ways.

For reference, mine are entirely acquired, and while they're very few in number I tend to be more avoidant than anything, as little as I like that.

I've made myself work through two of them due to necessity here, however.