explosivecombat | NIETZSCHE; DEAD PHILOSOPHERS' INBOX

If anything, you should be grateful that I'm not doing that to you now; that sort of thing was usually a sign that I wanted something.

...Meaning this in the best possible way, I have my doubts that you were really that subtle back then.

Well, that depends on what I wanted.

But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and ask what you mean by that anyway.

There was a point where I said something that must've utterly baffled you.

You stared at me a minute, the gears in your head practically audible as they ground away, and then handed me a stone shaped like a deer in the hopes of pacifying me.

...What.

You know it was Thanksgiving yesterday — have I mentioned I'm thankful for how comparatively well-adjusted you are now?

No, no, you're going to need to explain this deer thing, that's the second time you've mentioned it.

It started when I was asking you for help with my alchemy. I had the circle drawn, but I couldn't figure out how to activate it, so I wasn't getting anywhere. You turned up and asked me about it, and when I explained the problem I was having, you gave me the explanation I needed to figure it out — complete with a demonstration, where you turned a stone into the shape of a bird with one hand. And blue energy, for the record; I checked.

I asked you, once I thought I'd gotten it, if you'd give me the bird as a reward if I succeeded, and you did. Afterward, I had you make another because I wanted to see it again — this time you made a deer, because you said you used to watch them.

You eventually figured me out, despite my best attempts to keep from revealing that I was already familiar with you, and naturally once you'd learned that, you wanted to hear about what your life was going to be like in the future. I didn't tell you much, but I thought you'd like to hear confirmation that you'd made a difference to someone — at least to me.

And you proceeded to have absolutely no idea what to do about that, so I eventually mentioned in passing that it was all right, I'm used to it and that happens often, and generally when it does you try to smooth things over by giving me something to settle the point so we can all move on quickly from it.

I suppose you ultimately determined that the only thing you had was the deer, and decided to give it a try.

[...oh, fuck his life - ]

You know, I wish I could say that's a bigger surprise than it is.

Like I said: not exactly a master of subtlety.

Well, again, it often depended on what it was I wanted, though I can see where that particular situation would have been a bit odd to navigate in general.

I'd have given you more credit for evidently trying to make me happy, except for the fact that from your perspective, you'd only known me about fifteen minutes, and so the only reason why you might've cared would be because of two external expectations: society's and mine.

...If that sounded cruel, I didn't mean it to be.