Solf J Kimblee (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
explosivecombat) wrote2014-05-13 09:23 am
explosivecombat) wrote2014-05-13 09:23 am
Entry tags:
- !ic,
- *text,
- @blu sniper,
- @carmen sandiego (here she is),
- @envy,
- @frank archer's utter lack of subtlety,
- @greed's poor life choices,
- @jimmy two-shoes,
- @walter,
- admittedly kind of asking for it,
- but is everyone mad about genocide,
- god is dead and my tl;dr has killed him,
- good ideas are clearly relative concepts,
- hell are you even,
- i used to be hardcore,
- just thought he'd ask,
- like a brick to the face,
- look at your life; look at your choices,
- my social skills are flawless,
- professor of fauxlosophy,
- slacking off like hell,
- texting into the void,
- this is really stupid,
- why we can't have nice things
033. [Text]
The standard example of existential anguish is said to be standing on the edge of a cliff or other high place; there inevitably comes a moment in most self-aware individuals where they experience the realization that not only do they fear falling to their death, but there's nothing stopping them from throwing themselves off. I've always found it strange that a moment of experiencing true freedom like that would be considered distressing rather than a relief; knowing that there's nothing holding me back - that I am in full control of my own choices, whether it's to stand perfectly still or throw myself off - and there is nothing pre-written into whatever it is that I am that will dictate what I do either way is something I've always found calming.
It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?
If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.
For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?
I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.
Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.
(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)
It begs the question, however - do we choose our fears, and more importantly, do we choose how we respond to them?
If nothing is predetermined and everything about our lives comes down to choice, it makes sense to me that our fears also have to come down to choice, whether consciously or not. The part I'm not entirely sure of is the response.
For example, if one is attacked by some sort of animal, it makes sense that one would fear that animal. However, the response to animal attacks tend to vary - some will try to minimize their contact with that sort of animal as much as they can, while others will immerse themselves in it and attempt to desensitize themselves. Is there a particular thing that predetermines what choice a person is going to make?
I'm curious about your thoughts on it; you don't have to detail what fears you have and how you handle them, though if you would like to that might be helpful. I'm more interested in whether you think this sort of thing comes down to ingrained personality - something more inherent, I suppose - or personal choice, and whether such a thing can be changed.
Answer me anonymously if you wish; as always, your response is of more interest to me than your identity, and quite frankly I'm not in the mood to judge either way.
(As for the existential anguish, I've found over the years that I get the greatest satisfaction from neither the thought of staying put, nor the thought of throwing myself off - I've always enjoyed the notion that if I stand on the edge long enough, perhaps someone will act on their compulsion to put their hands against my back and shove.)
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Homunculi tend to retain some of the memories of the person who died. Badly fragmented memories, and the ones I have that I can identify as memories I can count on one hand, but they're there. The memories are out of context and hard to explain and it's only because I've been alive for a long time that I can explain what mine mean.
If you asked a younger one of our group they would probably be unable to explain or understand what they're remembering.
What we all remember for certain though is either the moment of death or very close to it. The man whose face I wear was murdered, for instance. I remember that very clearly.
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I remember the inside of the Gate but strictly speaking I don't think those are the memories of the man I look like. It's not even a memory so much as a feeling, really. Of being surrounded by darkness and wanting out. There's no "something" in that, so it's "nothing" for me. But I also don't think there was any sense of self attached to that wanting.
If there's an afterlife for human souls I have no memory of it.
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I don't either, for what it's worth.
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[But then again Greed has a very conflicting outlook on death so here's to cynicism.]
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[Because hey let's divert the topic from what Greed was originally going to say because he's not so sure he wants to talk about it anymore.]
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I ask that you bear in mind that I work primarily with energy, as my alchemy goes - I can manipulate it as I see fit, and I'm rather acquainted with its properties overall. As an alchemist, the general idea of "one is all, all is one" is also important to me.
I think that the soul is likely gone once you die - returned to the world, most likely, because where I'm from there's no way to resurrect the dead beyond a certain point. My assumption, then, is that the soul no longer exists as a conscious entity - it no longer has a sense of individual self to be called back. The explanation that makes the most sense to me is that it was likely returned to the world - brought back to God's domain, in other words.
So the soul has no consciousness anymore, and yet the energy that powers the body has to go somewhere, as does whatever the soul was composed of. I like to think that whatever energy was returned to God will eventually be returned to the world - not as it was, there's almost no chance of whatever energy that composed your own personal soul will rejoin in a way that will recreate you - but as parts of someone else entirely.
That's always been my personal understanding of "one is all, all is one," anyway. Energy is eternal and cannot be destroyed; why wouldn't it give life to other things that require it to function?
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It's hard to understand a lot of things when your very existence spits in the face of one of the founding principles of alchemy but Greed is also not the sort to fight over differing philosophies. Doubly so because they come from vastly different worlds even if there are similarities.]
I can understand that.
Energy can never be destroyed entirely, merely redirected. It would make sense for the soul to operate on a similar level.
Even in my world, the soul can't truly be called back in its entirety. I'm not sure what lies beyond the Gate, but there must be something. I don't think it's an empty expanse. Maybe it's God. I don't know.
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[...KIMBLEE.]
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Most people aren't aware of the Gate, not even the average alchemist so it really must be a hell of an incident.