NIETZSCHE; DEAD PHILOSOPHERS' INBOX

[explosivecombat]

[TEXT; LOCKED TO doitrockapella]

The offer for conversation is always open, should you desire to take me up on it; I can't guarantee that I'll respond immediately, nor will it necessarily be the response you want, but I'll always respond in some way.

In the name of enlightened discourse.

Comments

[doitrockapella]

You can't fault me for seeking reassurances. Not on a night like tonight.

[explosivecombat]

I don't recall saying that I faulted you for it.

[As far as he's concerned, she needed reassurances and he's giving them. Take the favor; he doesn't do this for everyone.]

[doitrockapella]

[And there he goes again, eliciting that utterly creepy juxtaposition of friendly consideration amidst the underlying horror of what she's imagining.

Sometimes, her wild imagination is a good thing. Other times, it's an enemy as bad as any of her tangible ones.]

Will you humor me for one more, then?

[explosivecombat]

I don't see why not.

[doitrockapella]

[If there's a pause here, it's only because she's paying very careful attention to how she phrases this.]

What would you feel if you were ordered to kill me?

[explosivecombat]

I would never be ordered to kill you.

The arrangement between my superior officer and I exists because we have common worldviews, and because we have common goals; we've got our sights trained in the same direction, so it makes very little sense for us to not ally with one another. The instant he tries to use that arrangement to force me to do things that I would only do against my will, then the arrangement is over. In the best case scenario, I would cut ties with him; in the worst, I'd kill him. So even if my superior officer knew about you, he wouldn't issue that sort of order simply because he knows that even in the best case scenario, I would never forgive him for it.

He knows better than to order me to kill those that are important to me.

[doitrockapella]

Important to you?

[explosivecombat]

Does it surprise you?

[doitrockapella]

The people who consider me important usually try to martyr themselves for me, instead.

Or alternatively, are the ones who want to see me dead in the first place.

[explosivecombat]

Well, that's something of a waste either way, isn't it? People are important to me because I'm fond of them, or I otherwise enjoy them; self-preservation in general aside, I'd rather like to be alive to do said enjoying, and it's a bit difficult to enjoy them properly if they're dead.

[doitrockapella]

The martyr in question never did seem to grasp that. To say nothing of the fact that I don't find it particularly charming when people martyr themselves on my behalf; if anything, it's just going to leave me upset and annoyed that they went and got themselves hurt for my sake when the last thing I'd want is to see them hurt in the first place.

But you reminded me of the others. Earlier.

[explosivecombat]

...My significant other was here again recently. He stayed for less than a month this time, before this world sent him back.

He collected Pokémon like these before we were returned the first time; one of them was left to me when he disappeared. He was also partial to weather like this, and he could never sleep well in the city due to his background. He would often wake me up - intentionally or not - and we would often end up outside, usually with the excuse of clearing the area of potential threats, but the fact is that we got to know each other on nights like this one.

Tonight was a matter of there being many unpleasant reminders at once; I didn't like what it caused. I needed to get rid of all of it somehow; since attacking people was out of the question for various reasons, I took it out on the swarms.

[doitrockapella]

The last time I felt like that, I called you.

Far be it from me to dictate how you cope. I can disagree with your methods while understanding the need to...get rid of a feeling like that.

Does it help, talking about it?

[explosivecombat]

It isn't counterproductive, at least, though I wouldn't say it helps. Discussion tends to be helpful for me if I don't understand something; I can usually talk myself through it, if no one else does.

I know what this is.

[doitrockapella]

You know what it is, and it's just that you can't stand it. Is that it?

[explosivecombat]

...Yes, something like that.

[doitrockapella]

[...And suddenly somehow this became another nightly edition of HOW DO I SHOT FEELINGS, featuring your host, An Accidental Sociopath, and tonight's special guest, A Mass-Murdering Psychopath.

...All of the words appropriate for this situation are similarly not appropriate for children's edutainment television.]

Assuming I were to make the independent decision to expend concern on you, regardless of whether you're deserving of it or not...would there be anything in my power to do for it, anyway?

[explosivecombat]

[...well, to his credit, Kimblee is going to actually not be a jackass about it. For once in his miserable life.]

What are you suggesting?

[doitrockapella]

I'm too far afield to make it to you in one night, or I'd offer to give you a more interesting challenge than a hill of insects.

Other than that, I won't know what you think would help unless you tell me.

[explosivecombat]

[There's a rather long pause before he replies; in all blunt honesty, he has no idea what to do with any of that.]

...they really will say we're in love, you know.

[...other than perhaps "re-engage Jackass Mode", though at least he won't leave her with that.]

You're doing enough, however; consider it appreciated.

[doitrockapella]

How different would that be, from just being important to you?

There are plenty of ulterior motives for why I wouldn't want you going on a rampage. Most of mine are ulterior. But some of them...aren't.

[explosivecombat]

Are you interested in finding out the answer to that question for yourself?

[doitrockapella]

Are you offering?

[explosivecombat]

Not this soon, no.

[doitrockapella]

Then I really must be special. Once, your answer was "never".