NIETZSCHE; DEAD PHILOSOPHERS' INBOX

[explosivecombat]

[TEXT; LOCKED TO doitrockapella]

The offer for conversation is always open, should you desire to take me up on it; I can't guarantee that I'll respond immediately, nor will it necessarily be the response you want, but I'll always respond in some way.

In the name of enlightened discourse.

Comments

[explosivecombat]

[Right. Right. Just. Give him a moment, Carmen.]

Here's another thing that I'm willing to state outright for you, then. You know that I enjoy your company, and I quite prefer it to your absence; by extension, I quite enjoy our usual discussions and the sort of tone they take.

However.

What I told you was highly personal information; I know it may seem counterproductive to you, but the more personal the information I tell you, the blunter I need you to be with me while discussing it. I can't read it properly otherwise, but I can tell you're trying to soften it. It reads as condescending, not understanding or sympathetic, which is the last thing I want after trusting someone with something so personal. So don't try to be coy, and for the love of all things holy and several things that are not, don't try to soften it. Not over things like that.

[doitrockapella]

[Only if you grant her about ten of her own because she needs it after that one. Given that her hands are probably shaking bad enough that her texting would come out riddled with typos if she tried it before settling down.]

Then in the interest of candor, let me clarify something I said as bluntly as I can. I have many motives when it comes to dealing with you. Most of them are ones that have nothing to do with our relationship and everything to do with keeping you under some semblance of control — as much as I can hope to exercise over the things you do from the position I'm sitting in, anyway.

But at least one of those motives is that I genuinely like...this. You. I don't always like acknowledging that because I know what you are and what you've done, and you're always quick to remind me of it if it starts to look like I'm forgetting it. But you're important, and that means I don't like it when I'm told there's a problem and I haven't at least tried to fix it.

It's not pity — no, I amend that. It's not intentional pity. If I feel bad, it's because that's who I am, and if I try to fix it, it's partly for you but it's just as much for me. Because when the problem is fixed, then I'll stop feeling bad myself.

That's my explanation. It's more of a confession than I otherwise would've liked, but in the interest of equivalent exchange, I probably owe you that much, at least.

[explosivecombat]

That entire first paragraph is the other reason what you were saying read so strangely to me, you know.

I would think that if nothing else, I've proven to you by now that I'm not an idiot; I'm well aware of what the majority of our arrangement is, and why it exists in the first place. Most, if not all, of your fondness for me developed well after you decided you were going to use yourself as some sort of buffer between myself and whatever might happen to set me off. There was interest, maybe, but I suspect that existed solely because, again, I'm not an idiot, and you tend to like people who are intelligent and dangerous and just out of your control.

I'm aware that fondness exists now, but to hear you attempting to make it sound as though what we were discussing was at all for my benefit - because you like me - is something you and I both know to be blatantly untrue. It was jarring, especially after you said that you wouldn't say anything pitying or insipid because you knew I didn't care to hear it, and given the topic it brought the implication that you were suddenly of the idea that I'm too mentally incompetent to know the difference.

[doitrockapella]

I was operating under the impression that if I said I wasn't going to say anything pitying or insipid, that would be taken as clarification that if for some reason I did say something that came off that way, then the problem was in my phrasing creating false implications, not in my intent itself.

I respect you too much to pity you, you know.

[explosivecombat]

Given what I am and what I've done, that isn't a word I'd expect to hear from you, you know.

[doitrockapella]

I respect my teachers, and I respect the people who change me, for better or for worse.

You're both. For better or for worse.

[explosivecombat]

Well, surely you're aware by now that the respect is returned.

And as your teacher, I'm going to recommend that you attempt to get some sleep soon - it's obscenely late, isn't it?

[doitrockapella]

What am I going to wake up to tomorrow, if I do?

[explosivecombat]

As I've said, I have no intention of breaking our agreement, intentionally or otherwise. If it comforts you any, that best friend of mine that I've mentioned from time to time has seen fit to decide he's spending the night with me - apparently he noticed the...possible beginnings of an incident earlier.

And by "spending the night", I mean he's gripping me so hard that he might as well just claim my ribs in the name of his homeland, he's managed to fall asleep like that, and I'd have an easier time dislodging a vise.

[doitrockapella]

It's small comfort, but I'll take what I can get.

...For what it's worth, I think there's a better word for you than "wolf".

[explosivecombat]

Is that so? Let's hear it, then.

[doitrockapella]

"Plámja".

не правда ли, Nietzsche?

[explosivecombat]

So that language does exist in your world...interesting.

Я согласен, by the way.

[doitrockapella]

Ask me what I think I am, sometime.

But let's save that for next time.

[explosivecombat]

Of course.

Now get some rest. The world will still be there when you wake up - unless our previously-fossilized overlords have taken over, in which case, may god help us all.

[doitrockapella]

I always wanted my own dinosaur.

See you next time.