039. [Text]

[explosivecombat]

One of the things I've always found admirable about humanity is their power to initiate change. Not just within themselves, either; that particular power includes the unique ability to instill change in other people – and for some, the world. It's always been rather appalling to me, that so many people would fail to understand how rare a gift that actually is: the actions of a single person have the potential to affect all of human society and leave their mark on the world, affecting and changing the course of the future itself.

It's a good amount of power that most people choose to do nothing with; it's a bit of a shame, really.

But whether we do anything with that power or not, we're all affected by it in some way; after all, the reason it exists at all is because people as individuals are volatile. We can change the world, and so it follows that the act of being in the world can also change us – whether through the actions of others who do choose to utilize that particular power, or just through the inconsistent nature of our surroundings. It follows the law of Equivalent Exchange rather well, I think.

Normally now is when I would suggest some sort of thought experiment to the network at large, probably morbid or inflammatory in nature, but I did promise someone that I would try not to be pointlessly negative for the sake of the holiday. Instead, my interest is elsewhere today – I want to know how this place has changed you. Positively or negatively, it matters very little to me; I'm just curious about what this place has given you, or perhaps what it's taken away.

Be as literal as you like, and as anonymous as you like; as usual with these sorts of things, your name interests me less than your answer.

Comments

Text - Anon

[nvcr]

I've only been here for two months.

There's some things you just sort of take as universal. Like everyone going around saying that Santa is real when we all know that in reality he's just a myth fabricated by the CIA (and also, probably a drugged-up government bear.)

But apart from...okay, there was this time when I was younger and I spent a few weeks in Luftnarp? Along with some other countries. I haven't left my hometown since then.

It's been years since then. Possibly even decades. It's good to get out of that crystallized point in time and space where you assume your thoughts and very way of life is the only one that exists.

Hell, I've even had some time to think--for time is all you have when responsibilities such as work and family all fade away into a distant nothing--and some of the stuff I did back home?

Probably not acceptable in this or most other worlds. Or okay in any sense, now that I think of it.

[text forever.]

[explosivecombat]

So you've come to the realization - which is an accomplishment to be sure, I'll grant that much. But that just begs the question: do you feel anything toward what you've done, or is it an objective realization that it was unacceptable and that's the end of it?

[anon text until otherwise stated]

[nvcr]

Well, I'm probably not going to participate in any ritual blood sacrifices to ancient and most likely long-dead gods in the future. Seriously, what was I on?

As the saying goes in my world: "Regret nothing until it is too late. Then regret everything."

But other than regret, intense shame for being so misguided, a desire to go back in time and not do the things I've done, and that vague, empty feeling where all you can say is "oh...oh"...not much, really. Or rather, I feel many things, but none of them are going to resurrect any blood sacrifices. So it's better to just swallow all guilt, accept that I am an imperfect, feeling creature of flesh and bone, and try to strive for a better present.

Dwelling too much on the past just keeps you from moving forward, I think.

[explosivecombat]

If that's truly the case, why bother with regret in the first place? It's as you say - nothing you feel toward the things you've done is going to resurrect any blood sacrifices. Those that have died will be dead regardless of what you've done or felt since then; any regret you may have is more for your own sake, isn't it?

[nvcr]

More than anything else it might be.

I was once told that wanting to help others was its own breed of selfishness as well-to convince ourselves for just a moment that we are not alone, or to ensure our own survival, or whatever. I'm still not sure how true that actually is.

I know that at the core of my own being, I desire--more than anything else--not to be alone, but to assume that my own desires and goals are shared by everyone else is arrogance.

Assuming for the moment that both of us are human: we're blood and earth, not theory and chalk. The bundle of contradictions that exist within my very being are not unnoticed, for to be logical all the time is what some would deem to be perfect.

I often tell people that nothing is perfect--that things can only become perfect once you accept them for what they are--but I seriously doubt that perfection is real.

And as humans we are imperfect, selfish, irrational and altogether unholy creatures, but...oh well.

[ANONYMOUS TEXT]

[diamondo]

I'm sure you'll get a lot of cliched answers to this like "this place has given me a second chance at life". Sorry, but that's my answer too.

I was in a really bad place back home and from what I've learned from people I know here, I would have done something awful. Being here doesn't change what I'm going to do, but at least here I can deal with everything and try to make amends for it in whatever way I can.

...That sounds kinda self-centered, honestly. The point is that I'm really glad I'm here, I'm really glad that my friends are here, and even if things don't always go perfectly, at least there's an opportunity for things to go better here.

[Man, typing in proper sentences with proper punctuation and capitalization is annoying.]

[text forever.]

[explosivecombat]

Don't be concerned about sounding self-centered; at their core, all people are, and the question itself is inherently self-centered besides.

As for this terrible thing you were about to do back home - is it something you wouldn't have thought to feel remorseful there, or is it just something you wouldn't have been able to make amends towards for one reason or another?

[diamondo]

Well, it's kind of hard to say since I haven't gone through it yet, but it definitely sounds more like the latter. I didn't really get enough time to express my remorse from the sound of it. It's kind of hard to explain and I don't really want to get into it.

[explosivecombat]

Sometimes things just work out that way.

This place tends to be good for second chances, however. I know several people who have chosen to interpret being here in that way; I don't know if I'm one of them personally or not.

[diamondo]

You don't know? Is it something you don't want to admit or is it something like... you're genuinely not sure if this place is better?

text;

[ossifragant]

You're well aware of the literal, so I won't waste your time with that part.

I've been here eight months now. Not nearly as long as you have, but things change in that time. I've never been the kind of person to just sit down and relax. That's not a smart thing to do in my situation, and yet I've found myself doing it here.

I'll be honest: I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not.

text;

[explosivecombat]

Oh, believe me, I can understand that much. Even if I could have had this much idle time back in Amestris, I wouldn't have allowed myself; it would have been against my nature at the time, even if it weren't a horrifically bad idea to even consider it at all.

The idea that one's nature can be altered so much by a change in circumstance like this is a bit much to think about at times, isn't it?

text;

[ossifragant]

It's uncomfortable to say the least. Hundreds of years in Amestris and I don't change at all, but under a year here and I know it's happened.

I guess it's not a shock, but it happened without me thinking about it.

[And that bothers him. He's used to being in control of his own actions if nothing else.]

text;

[explosivecombat]

And I assume that troubles you.

Again, you aren't necessarily the only one; I'm unsurprised by it, given how such things tend to work - the longest-lasting changes within oneself tend to be the sort of things that happen so naturally that one is completely unaware of them until they've already taken root, after all - but I admit I've found my own experiences here to be somewhere between "unsettling" and "not anything I'd do again if given the choice," with regard to this particular topic.

text;

[ossifragant]

It does trouble me. I don't see the need to deny that.

It's unsettling, but there isn't much a person can do about it. Not here, anyway. To be honest, even if I were to go home and remember everything that happened, I'm not exactly in a position to change things in Amestris. I've never been interested in changing the world. Taking what I want from it, yes, but that's not exactly the same thing.

To be honest, I don't know what I'd do if I was given the opportunity to change the world in some way. The fact that this place is a do-over is unsettling enough.

[text; anon]

[unkinder]

I have been here for six months, now. That's hardly enough time to compare to the length of the stays many have spent here, but the very nature of this place makes it a large influence, obviously.

Prior to showing up here, I was beginning to adjust to a...new way of life, I suppose you could say. This place has taken that away and is now forcing me to readjust, to an extent. If I want to be honest, I don't know if it's been a good thing or not. I've done well enough to get used to things as they are. Whether or not it is preferable to how things were before still remains to be seen.

That isn't to say I find this to be a wholly terrible experience. I just don't know how I feel about it, yet.

[text forever.]

[explosivecombat]

Forgive me for prying, but it comes with the nature of the question, as well as the nature of your response - from a purely objective standpoint, do you find this place to be more or less forgiving than the one you came from?

[unkinder]

More forgiving. This place seems to be all about giving people second chances, doesn't it? More often literally than not.

[explosivecombat]

I assume you're referring to those back from the dead.

[unkinder]

Naturally. It's a peculiar thing, but I'm not sure what else I expected from this place.

[dead philosophers | i'm not late i'm fashionably on time]

[doitrockapella]

Happy holidays to you too, Nietzsche.

[explosivecombat]

Likewise, Locke.

I imagined I ought to at least try to stand by what I've told you, tempted though I am to do otherwise.

[doitrockapella]

It's appreciated, believe me. And I can see the self-restraint that went into accomplishing it, too.

You yourself are a large part of my answer to your question, you know.

[explosivecombat]

Then I suppose the next question is whether it's been a positive change or not, in your opinion.

[doitrockapella]

I should warn you that answering that runs the risk of me getting sentimental.