explosivecombat | 02X - Reintro. [Text/Locked Audio to the Rocket Frequency]

[TEXT]

[Well! Those of you on the network today will be greeted by a bit of audio late this morning, from a device ID that's been bouncing back all attempts at contact for the last several weeks.]

...Oh, that's cute.

[...well, if that wasn't the most triumphant return ever, I don't know what is.

At the very least, however, he seems to get over whatever he's almost audibly linefacing at long enough to realize that the device is recording something; he promptly switches the thing over to text - he's never really liked talking at the machine when he's addressing all of Johto.]

My, it seems this place does still have its sense of humor, doesn't it? And here I thought that perhaps I'd only lost three days at worst - it was a bit of a surprise to find out otherwise.

Ah, but that's neither here nor there, is it?

[Kimblee, hon.]

There's not much to report from home, unfortunately; however, it'll be a pleasure getting in contact with all of you again - hopefully you've all been at least reasonably well.

[Oh, well. At least he doesn't seem too off-put by the whole disappearing-for-a-month-and-a-half thing?]

[PRIVATE AUDIO - TEAM ROCKET FREQUENCY]

[...At least, not until the audio message that goes out over the private Rocket network a few minutes later; Kimblee's voice is cold and clipped, and the amiable "tone" from the text earlier is completely absent.

He has no idea if he still holds his rank or not; he suspects he doesn't. Like hell if he won't throw it around anyway. He's a bit displeased at his life basically being a .gif from Community, and he's going to figure out what in the good hell is going on if it kills him.]

This is Team Rocket Beta Solf J Kimblee, reporting back in for duty; to my superiors, I admit that I don't know what happened, but I assure you that it won't happen again.

To the rest of you - check in with me immediately, particularly if you're one of my subordinates. I'm receiving a lot of "ID Not Found" nonsense, and I need to know who's still present; given that and various things that I've had to hear about secondhand, I expect a full report regarding what happened here from someone, I'm not feeling particularly choosy right now.

New members to the organization - welcome to it, and you have my personal apologies for the disarray. For now, you're welcome to introduce yourselves; it'll serve you well to know that I'm good to those who are good to me. Again, prove yourself useful and you'll be rewarded.

None of this is a request. Allow me to make that much clear.

[...oh dear. Well. At least he's not in much position to actually do anything at the moment - this is Team Rocket we're talking about, and if somebody's on the network very vocally overstating their importance and/or competence, that means it's pretty much a day ending in Y.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You better believe it! What kind of self-respecting baddy doesn't wanna rule it all? Especially in a place like this, packed with powerful flunkies. It's perfect!

Plus, somebody's gotta change the sappy friendship garbage everybody spews on a daily basis.

[Seriously, it's too peaceful. Peaceful and lame.]

Oh, I can't say I disagree with that - people really do get insipid over that entire love-and-friendship business. When it comes to the Pokémon, it makes me wonder whether they'd befriend their guns were they given any, given that that's effectively what they're doing by keeping these things as pets. As for forming bonds with other humans...well. Those will only get them so far in the end, and they'll more than likely regret it in one way or another. There are very few relationships that don't end in pain like that, I find. Not that I would know.

[The words are cold, however, as opposed to fishing; not attempting to hint at inner pain or passive-aggressively seek validation, simply stating fact.]

On the other hand, ruling the world has never really interested me personally. I can't say I'd know what to do with it, once I had it.

You could do anything, though! Make the masses bow before your awesomeness, bake you a cake the size of a galaxy, do your bidding over the tiniest of problems, and that's barely even scratching the surface!

[Honestly, that's going to get flat-out staring, don't mind him.]

Wouldn't baking a cake the size of a galaxy require more matter than said galaxy could logically contain?

[...NOT THE POINT, KIMBLEE.]

...Right. At any rate, am I to assume that this is what you want this world for? I mean, the most you've told me is that you plan to...well, rule over it and all. Do you have any actual plans, or will this place just be subject to your whims?

I don't really mind either way, mind you; there's something to be said about improvisation, after all.

Gwa ha ha ha! Well, first of all, I'd scrap all those lame no weapons, peace and love laws. And I'd make it a first priority for all the science geeks here to find a way to change me back into my awesome self. Being a human fleshbag clashes with my image.

All that stuff like food and flattery can come later, I guess.

Well, at least we're of similar mind on that - should you succeed, would it be beyond you to grant some of us our own abilities in exchange for service? Return us to our own "awesome selves", as it were.

I can't promise food or flattery, but service I can do.

02X - Reintro. [Text/Locked Audio to the Rocket Frequency]

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