NIETZSCHE; DEAD PHILOSOPHERS' INBOX

[explosivecombat]

[TEXT; LOCKED TO doitrockapella]

The offer for conversation is always open, should you desire to take me up on it; I can't guarantee that I'll respond immediately, nor will it necessarily be the response you want, but I'll always respond in some way.

In the name of enlightened discourse.

Comments

[explosivecombat]

I can't just be curious? The experiences of others tend to fascinate me, in some way or another.

[doitrockapella]

Only if you likewise concede the part about being a cat.

I think I've forgotten the faces of the girls I grew up with. I don't know that I'd be able to recognize them if I were to pass them on the street — though I'm sure they'd recognize me.

[explosivecombat]

Were you that different to them, or is that because of your reputation now?

[doitrockapella]

A little of both, but moreso the latter. I'm fairly notorious in general, you know.

Still, I was always the odd one out, even then.

[explosivecombat]

So you've implied.

Indulge my feline nature for a while, however - go on.

[doitrockapella]

There was a little cluster of them, I remember, with a fairly established pecking order — a ringleader, a lieutenant, and a few followers. One of them was small and shy; she looked it, too, pale and blonde and...wispy. She would stick close to me sometimes because she thought I wasn't afraid of anything, and I usually wasn't.

I think that's what it was, really. There just wasn't room for someone like me in a social order like that. But I tended to like my books better, anyway.

[explosivecombat]

I was never terribly comfortable within the social hierarchy among the boys in North City, either - I was always seen as terribly odd, and I was more outside of it than within. But I also came from a wealthy family, and even as children, people are willing to forgive the rich a bit of oddness as long as they receive something in return for tolerating them. So it's not as though I didn't have plenty of "friends," in the loosest sense of the word.

It was mostly for keeping up appearances in front of my parents, rather than through loneliness; I preferred studying, or just...spending time by myself, really.

[doitrockapella]

I think the polite word is "eccentric" — developed for precisely that reason.

Was the military your ticket out of North City?

[explosivecombat]

Yes and no. It was more or less expected that I would serve the government somehow, since it's the most stable job that one can have in Amestris and the benefits make it incredibly worthwhile; my father was also a soldier, so there was that to consider.

I didn't make the actual decision until I was a bit older, however, and I've no doubt that it would have been fine if I'd decided to go into something else; it just so happened that my alchemy was beneficial to the military, and I turned out to be an excellent soldier for several reasons.

[doitrockapella]

But your mother was the alchemist. A healer, wasn't it?

Every once in a while I catch myself wondering what I might've ended up doing with my life, if things hadn't gone the way they did. If I still would've ended up drawn to my...career of choice, regardless.

[explosivecombat]

She was, yes. She was also a bit appalled at what I planned to do with myself when she heard about it; she was killed in an accident shortly before I enlisted, so I suppose it hardly mattered either way.

That's an interesting line of thought, however; it's not one that I pursue often myself, but I have to wonder how my life would have turned out were it not for a few key events.

Do you ever come to any conclusions?

[doitrockapella]

What kind of accident?

I'll still answer you, mind; I just want to finish hearing about your mother first.

[explosivecombat]

One of her students caused a rebound.

[doitrockapella]

That's horrible.

What happened to the student?

[explosivecombat]

I didn't seek them out in retribution, if that's what you're wondering.

Either way, as I said, it hardly matters now.

[doitrockapella]

I didn't think you would've. But I wouldn't have taken it well, myself, to go on with my life knowing that I'd killed my teacher.

Take comfort in that, if you like.

[explosivecombat]

I have many responses to that, none of which you're going to like.

[doitrockapella]

I like the fact that you managed to restrain yourself long enough to spare me. Particularly since I think I know you well enough by now to imagine several of them all on my own.

You're lucky to have memories of your parents.

[explosivecombat]

They would hate everything about what I've become, I'm sure.

[doitrockapella]

But that doesn't bother you.

[explosivecombat]

It's more that the world doesn't stop for the dead, and I don't regret anything that I've done.

[doitrockapella]

Taken out of context, I'd almost be inclined to agree with you.

Is this really the sort of conversation you were hoping for?

[explosivecombat]

Not particularly.

You did choose to pursue this line of questioning, however, despite the fact that I offered topic changes several times and you acknowledged them yourself.

[doitrockapella]

And now you've answered your own question from earlier — as to what you've done now.

I never come to any conclusions about how my life would be different because I have no idea what my life was like before the fire.

[explosivecombat]

I'm not following, but so be it.