042. [Text, and one other thing.]

[explosivecombat]

[TEXT]

I've noticed that when people are asked the question of whether they would change any major events in their past, a prevalent answer seems to be "No, because everything that's happened to me and everything I've chosen to do have made me who I am today." Sometimes I find that position unbearably arrogant; who's to say that the person you could have been – as terrifying though that notion seems to be for most – wouldn't be an improvement on you are now?

Not all changes are for the better, but there's no reason to assume they'll be for the worse, either.

I hold to a general principle of not regretting anything I've done; that hasn't changed, even now. Just the same, that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't wonder what would have happened if I've chosen to do something different at critical junctures of my life, regardless of how pointless that practice actually is in reality.

The idea of seeking solidarity in such notions is also pointless, but I suppose today is good for indulging in things like that. If I have any questions to pose to the rest of you today – and I admit I didn't start this with that sort of thing in mind for once – I suppose what I want to know is whether you would change anything or not. What it is doesn't matter; I just want to know whether such doubts have crossed your mind before, whether you find it plausible or not.

At the very least those feathers from on high are good for one thing, and that's ensuring that such insipid thoughts aren't keeping me up at night; I've been sleeping surprisingly well since picking one up.


[PRIVATE MESSAGE – ARCHER]

I imagine it would be a good idea for me to let you know that I haven't simply vanished into the aether.

I'm feeling reclusive tonight; do let Isaac know I won't be around.

Comments

[explosivecombat]

The butterfly effect, you mean - the way that minute changes stand to dovetail out into larger unforeseen consequences.

[unkinder]

Exactly. It could be interesting to see just how drastically one small change can effect future events.

[explosivecombat]

It would; unfortunately it's impossible to know in most circumstances, unless you happen to find someone from a world similar enough to yours.

[unkinder]

As interesting as it may be to speculate about what could have been, I'm not sure if I would ever actually want to see what could have happened.

...now I have a question for you. Out of simple curiosity, is all. I know you say you do not regret your past actions, but let's say you did have the opportunity to see firsthand the various alternate paths you could have chosen throughout your life, as well as the results of the different decisions you would have made.

Do you suppose you might find yourself wishing you had chosen those "better" paths instead?

[explosivecombat]

Perhaps. I won't try to claim that I'm above such thoughts; the fact that we're having this discussion in the first place is likely evidence enough that I'm not.

At the same time, I wouldn't change what I chose to do if given the opportunity to do it all over again, even given advance knowledge of those "better" paths' existence. The final result of my actions wasn't half as clean as I would have liked, but ultimately I succeeded in doing what I set out to do. I can't really complain if I was able to see what amounts to the completion of my life's work through to the end.

[unkinder]

I understand. Even though the path you chose could have been the less desirable one, accomplishing your goals is what matters. Some might say that the easier path would be the less interesting one, anyway. Settling for something easy when the more difficult approach likely exposes you to things you may not have been otherwise.

[explosivecombat]

I have a question for you as well, you know.

You asked me if I would find myself wishing that I had chosen another path; is that sort of desire the reason why you wouldn't want to know about any alternate possibilities yourself?

[unkinder]

[There's a bit of a pause while Nagi mulls over his response to that.]

Yes. I did say it would be foolish to regret decisions you have already made, that much is true. But I do not think I would be very pleased to see how things could have gone better, had I done things differently.

[...]

And I am not sure if I would want to change anything, even then.
But I would wish that I had.

[explosivecombat]

Of course. This isn't the sort of topic that I'm prone to such thoughts about, but there are a few things that make me think that perhaps I understand the sentiment, at least.

[unkinder]

It would be easier to try to avoid thinking about such things entirely, since we are likely as far away from our homes and lives we left behind as we can be, here. But this world lends itself to giving far too much time to think.