042. [Text, and one other thing.]

[explosivecombat]

[TEXT]

I've noticed that when people are asked the question of whether they would change any major events in their past, a prevalent answer seems to be "No, because everything that's happened to me and everything I've chosen to do have made me who I am today." Sometimes I find that position unbearably arrogant; who's to say that the person you could have been – as terrifying though that notion seems to be for most – wouldn't be an improvement on you are now?

Not all changes are for the better, but there's no reason to assume they'll be for the worse, either.

I hold to a general principle of not regretting anything I've done; that hasn't changed, even now. Just the same, that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't wonder what would have happened if I've chosen to do something different at critical junctures of my life, regardless of how pointless that practice actually is in reality.

The idea of seeking solidarity in such notions is also pointless, but I suppose today is good for indulging in things like that. If I have any questions to pose to the rest of you today – and I admit I didn't start this with that sort of thing in mind for once – I suppose what I want to know is whether you would change anything or not. What it is doesn't matter; I just want to know whether such doubts have crossed your mind before, whether you find it plausible or not.

At the very least those feathers from on high are good for one thing, and that's ensuring that such insipid thoughts aren't keeping me up at night; I've been sleeping surprisingly well since picking one up.


[PRIVATE MESSAGE – ARCHER]

I imagine it would be a good idea for me to let you know that I haven't simply vanished into the aether.

I'm feeling reclusive tonight; do let Isaac know I won't be around.

Comments

[explosivecombat]

That depends - do you have an answer you're willing to give me?

[sadisticwarfare]

Like you, I don't regret most of what I've done. There are a few things here and there that I do regret, but they're mostly minor things. That said, there are things I would do differently, if I had a chance to redo things.

I wouldn't have invaded Liore. I don't regret the decision I made because simply put, I don't care about all those that died. The important thing at the time was revenge and ultimately, I feel no guilt about what I did. I wouldn't repeat that however, since I know what happens because of it.

I can only imagine how that would have changed things for me. I don't know what differences there would have been, but there's no way it could get any worse.

[explosivecombat]

So it's not so much regretting the action itself as it is wanting to change the outcome.

If I'm going to be blunt with you, I don't think it would have worked out well for you even if you hadn't taken that particular course of action. The outcome would have been objectively better for you personally had you not invaded, but I don't think that you would have been able to stand not having taken revenge when you had the opportunity.

[sadisticwarfare]

You're right. I would have been furious with myself for not pursuing it. I wouldn't have wanted him to live.

It's not something that can be changed of course, so I feel like there's no point in dwelling on it.

Your turn. Do you have an answer in mind or were you just curious to hear everyone else's thoughts?

[explosivecombat]

...I think I'm in a similar situation to you, to be honest. I don't regret anything I've done, and I accomplished what I wanted one way or another.

At the same time, it's difficult to think of it that way sometimes. That's all.

[sadisticwarfare]

I believe that's understandable given the things we've been through.

Unfortunately I can't think of anything positive to say about our situations, but at least we have this place.

[LOOK HE TRIED TO BE COMFORTING HE'S JUST REALLY BAD AT IT]

[explosivecombat]

There are positives to it in some ways, as I go; as I said, ultimately I accomplished what I set out to do. That should be all that matters to me in the end, and I'm not entirely sure what to make of the notion that it isn't.

[sadisticwarfare]

It's difficult to deal with. It seems like it should be alright, but it isn't. I understand that much.

[explosivecombat]

Something like that, yes.

[...]

I appreciate the discussion, you know. I'm aware that this sort of thing isn't something you would prefer to talk about.

[...he tried.]

[sadisticwarfare]

It's easier over text. Though to be honest, this isn't as bad as it normally is.

[He's not sure why and he's not entirely sure it's a good thing, but he'd rather not be messed up for several days, so this is acceptable.]

I'm glad I can help.

[explosivecombat]

This would be the anniversary of when I actually died, you know. Pride devoured me some time before, but my soul wasn't destroyed until the next day.

I don't regret that, either; it was my decision to allow it to happen.

[sadisticwarfare]

I see. I was wondering what prompted this. Thank you for telling me. I can't imagine dealing with something like that.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

[...he feels like this isn't enough, okay.]

[explosivecombat]

...It's going to bother you until I allow you to come see me in person, isn't it?

[sadisticwarfare]

Well yes, but that wasn't what I was getting at. I understand that sometimes you need your space. I just want to help somehow, if I can.

[explosivecombat]

You're doing what I asked you to; it's fine.

[sadisticwarfare]

It doesn't feel like enough.

[explosivecombat]

...How do you mean?

[sadisticwarfare]

I don't know. I feel like I should be able to do something else to help somehow.

[explosivecombat]

You don't like thinking that there's nothing to be done.

[sadisticwarfare]

Exactly. I hate feeling useless.

[explosivecombat]

You know I would tell you if you were truly being useless.

[sadisticwarfare]

I know. It still doesn't feel like I'm doing anything to help.

[explosivecombat]

Perhaps not by your standards, but your standards aren't what are being used to gauge this.

[sadisticwarfare]

[...]

As long as you're content I see no reason to complain.