explosivecombat | 037. [Text]

I come seeking discussion again today, which to most of you should probably be nothing new; if anything, I ought to apologize for it, but I suspect that will ring about as true as my usual apologies for the subject matter. For what it's worth, the subject is better than it usually is; take that as you will.

I'd like to discuss dreams today; I'm sure those that were here about a year ago know exactly why, but in the end that is neither here nor there, and you don't have to have experienced it to discuss this with me.

I'm sure we're all no strangers to very vivid dreams...? The sort that immerse you so entirely that they almost seem real...surely there are a few qualities here and there that mark them as dreams, but they're disregarded in favor of whatever is actually happening right in front of you. Dreams like that can hardly be said to be different from reality, can they? They invoke feelings within you; they encourage you to continue thinking about them long after you've awakened. You could even say that dreams like that have given you experiences that you might never have had, were you awake – you've gone on adventures and met people and done things that affected you, all while physically being asleep.

Say that there was a way to live like that forever.

Suppose that there's a machine that will put you under, rendering you solidly asleep and allowing you to experience whatever you want. The machine can simulate any pleasurable experience that you choose, instilling all the thoughts and feelings that would come with actually going out and doing those things for yourself in your waking life. There would be no pain or suffering; it would be an experience in pure bliss for as long as you were plugged into the machine.

Again, you could stay that way forever, if you so chose, living out the rest of your life in dreams, and it would be a pleasant experience that's custom-tailored to you. The only tradeoff is that you would be unconscious the entire time; the experience would be entirely in your mind, rather than anything you actually did.

Would you choose to go under and live the rest of your life happy but effectively comatose, or would you prefer to experience life for yourself, entirely awake, with all the imperfections and strife that may come with it?

You can answer me anonymously if you wish, because as usual, your identity doesn't interest me as much as your response does; if you really want to impress me, you'll tell me why you would answer as you did.

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Would that be all right with you?

Why wouldn't it be?

You brought it up; I would assume you'd have some reason for it.

Besides, it only seems polite to ask, considering that particular visitor.

I suspect he depresses you, in some ways.

He usually notices that, too. Once, he asked why I looked so sad.

I think what tends to upset me most is never knowing whether I should tell him or not, what he's in for someday. He'll say sometimes that it wouldn't bother him to know and if it'd make me feel better then I should go ahead, but...I never know which is worse, the thought of making him live with knowing — even if it's only for a few days — or keeping it secret from him while he knows full well that I have one.

How much would you tell him?

I honestly don't know. I'm a little concerned that it'd depend on how much he decided he wanted to know, and how persistent he was in trying to find out.

Even if I tried to keep it to a bare minimum, how would it sound? He's always so eager about his assignment, and I already know how it's going to end for him.

I suspect he does as well, by now.

I don't know if that's any comfort to you or not, but judging by what you've told me, I'd already made my decision by then.

I think some of it is just me, as well. I have a hard time with that sort of...fatalism, I suppose might be the word. If our positions were reversed, I'm sure I'd try to change something and prevent it — or want to, anyway, regardless of how successful I ultimately proved at it.

It's hard for me to imagine that he'd really be all right with it. You would know much better than I would.

I think that he's probably content not knowing, and blunt enough that he's likely told you as much himself. All of that can be believed.

Otherwise there's not much to be done for now, outside of hope that the next time you see him he hasn't just been arrested.

Edited 2014-10-21 08:38 (UTC)

...I suspect I'll know if he's just been arrested, won't I?

You will, yes.

Is there anything you'd like me to do, if that happens?

You would actually know better than I would; do you remember the night I told you about the radio?

If we're thinking of the same one, it's not one I'll soon forget.

I remember it being very similar to that, in some ways, at least by the end of it.

(...Prior to that I was enjoying myself quite a bit, which is a problem for other reasons.)

If you really don't know what to do with him, you can call me; I doubt he'll pose much of a threat to you, however.

I'm touched by your confidence in me.

...And I appreciate the discussion. That dilemma over him has been with me for a while now, but I feel a little better about it having talked with you.

You aren't obligated to tell him anything, you know.

[...because this is easier than dealing with the abrupt game of QWOP that brought on.]

It's been a while since I acted like that around you myself, but do remember who you're dealing with when you talk to him. He has no attachment to you; if he thinks he can get things from you that he wouldn't otherwise have, he'll try to do it. I doubt he's asking about these things out of some sort of existential need to know; he probably just likes seeing your reaction and he's curious about what you'll give him if he presses enough, and if he presses in different ways.

It's a bit surreal to tell you to pay him no mind, but I wouldn't suggest letting this bother you, either, given how he is.

...He often got what he wanted out of people at that age, didn't he?

Oh yes. If anything, that's understating it horribly.

I'm sure there are less complimentary ways of phrasing it, but the end result is the same.

I would be willing to tell you about how things were back then sometime, if you're ever curious.

I'd like that.

Coincidentally, talking about him also reminded me that I'd like another lesson in alchemy sometime, if you're willing.

Is that so?

Go on, then.

Let's stipulate that my circles do work and I'll be able to demonstrate them to you firsthand the next time we all get the chance. There's still more I could learn to do, though, isn't there?

(no subject)

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