035. [ANON TEXT]

[explosivecombat]

[Well, good evening, network - it seems Seth's device is active again, though at the very least he's not inviting everyone to war like he's throwing the world's most unasked-for party this time around.]

You know, one of the things I've always found most fascinating about human morality is the idea that we're higher beings due to our natural inclination to put others before ourselves. It's generally accepted in society that we should be willing to sacrifice ourselves before harming another; I've always found adhering to that sort of notion to both vaguely admirable and sickeningly saccharine. If you must kill one to save another, that's still a life that's lost; why shouldn't the reward go to the one who's willing to fight for it, rather than the one who did nothing to earn it but sit there in pious devotion to doing nothing wrong?

We claim superiority for suppressing our instincts to survive; if anything, I think that would put us lower than dogs, not above them. All this intelligence and no will to live; it's pitiful.

But then, I suppose my lack of understanding of these things is why I can't be considered one of you.

For the time being, however, say I were to humor you in discussion for a while. Do you think your will to fight to ensure your survival actually needs to be tested? Since I suspect the answer will overwhelmingly be "No," I have another pre-emptive question for the heroic types.

Is there anything outside of arrogance and so-called moral superiority that makes you say so?

[...O...kay that's really not any better but apparently, it's just that kind of night.

You know, full of misanthropy.

Because some nights are like that.]

Comments

[doitrockapella]

It was more the confirmation of the aliases, really. It's just common sense not to give your real name.

[explosivecombat]

I make a point of not giving it to the locals, anyway. Almost everyone else comes and goes, so it matters a little less.

[doitrockapella]

You don't want the locals remembering you?

[explosivecombat]

Not particularly, no. Why?

[doitrockapella]

I don't know. It didn't really occur to me that you might have a position on it either way.

[explosivecombat]

Given the sorts of activities I engage in, the less people remember of me, the better. It was different back in Amestris, where my reputation worked to my advantage.

[doitrockapella]

You might work under an alias but use your own in your personal life, though. So long as it's not the one attached to the exploding cities...

Anyway, that's neither here nor there, I suppose. I was just curious.

[explosivecombat]

...Locke, at risk of sounding strange, you more or less are my personal life at this point.

[doitrockapella]

...Am I really?

[explosivecombat]

Most of my other interactions are professional on some level or another.

I have one or two others, but you're a large part of it, actually.

[doitrockapella]

I'm flattered, you know.

There's something I think I already know the answer to, but will you humor me far enough to remind me, if I ask?

[explosivecombat]

I don't see why not.

[doitrockapella]

Those times when we cross paths in your professional life stay separate from our encounters in your personal one, don't they? As...far as you're concerned.

[explosivecombat]

Did you have a specific incident in mind?

[...there's a second text a moment later, because that...it didn't answer anything, did it.]

That's the case, yes. Why?

[doitrockapella]

The "why" is that you're confirming something you told me once — I think we were talking about the way we conduct our respective personal and professional lives, and I had a hard time understanding how one could keep the one from bleeding into the other, but you were fairly confident in the distinction. I think I understand a little better now how that works, so I just...wanted to hear it again, really.

So, in another hypothetical Olivine, for example — we have our understanding that if I interfere, I do so assuming the risk of my own actions; you're there doing your job, and for that duration, I'm someone standing in the way of it, so that's how you'll treat me irrespective of everything else.

But once the job has concluded, it stops having bearing on how we interact in your personal life. To put it a little overly flippantly, there wouldn't be any hard feelings. Do I...still have it right?

[explosivecombat]

[It actually takes him a moment to figure out how to word what he wants to say; partially because he's pretty sure he's expressed this before but for some reason it's different to do so now and that's going to grate on him until he figures out why, and partially because expressing this at all involves a brief game of emotional QWOP where he ends up going backwards for a good amount of time before inching over the goddamn starting line, and even then he's pretty sure he's not supposed to be doing it quite like this but you know what, Q-W-O-P, motherfucker.]

There would be no hard feelings on my end.

However, I do understand that that doesn't extend to your reaction to it. The fact that you comprehend why I do what I do doesn't exempt me from the consequences of my actions, and bluntly put I don't want it to; I've always believed in people receiving what it is they deserve, and I would be a hypocrite to insist that that shouldn't extend to me as well.

I know that there may come a point at which you insist those consequences should be brought down - in fact, I know there probably will be a point at which you insist on it - and the fact that I continue to act as I do with that knowledge in place likely says more about me than I intend it to. At the same time, you're well within your rights to decide that you don't want to do this anymore at any point, and I'm not going to argue with you or stop you should you reach that point in future because it is the logical and accepted conclusion of my actions. It's not a conclusion I would like, but again, I would be a hypocrite to insist that the situation should be otherwise.

But anything I do professionally doesn't have any bearing on what I think of you personally, no.

[doitrockapella]

[...Nietzsche, did you just QWOP so hard you hurt yourself]

There's something else I want to ask you, actually, but it wouldn't be very fair of me to keep you waiting without an answer while I did, so. I really do appreciate the consideration for my point of view on it. I think in a way I can...in a sense, I respect that you wouldn't treat me any differently? I can see how it could come away as manipulative, walking into that sort of situation on little more than arrogance and trying to use our friendship or your feelings on me against you, whether it be to stop you or to keep myself alive or...well. I can't say for certain that it'd be as easy for me to appreciate in the heat of the moment, but when we're just talking about it hypothetically, it's a little easier to see where your point of view comes from.

I may not be able to be as rational about it in that theoretical heat of the moment as I am about it now, but for what it's worth, at this point I honestly don't want to lose you. It may be that someday the consequences of your actions are more than I can tolerate in good conscience, and if it comes to that it sounds as though we'd both accept it, but...it's not really something I'm eager to see happen, either.

So I think that maybe, while it's entirely possible for there to be hard feelings on my part, I also don't think it's a given that those hard feelings would be inherently...inflexible ones? Maybe that's a good way of putting it.

[explosivecombat]

Consider it understood and appreciated, then.

And the other question...?

[doitrockapella]

Not treating me any differently...it would go both ways, wouldn't it?

You wouldn't deliberately be crueler to me than you would to anyone else, just because we're friends?

[explosivecombat]

[Oh. Well, that's going to bring with it a sudden realization that he's not sure he likes, but he's more than content to shove it away and deal with it on his own time.]

At one point I probably would have.

But no, I wouldn't.

[doitrockapella]

Oh.

[Okay, that's...kind of awkward but all things considered it's probably just as awkward for him to admit as it is in general so let's just try to...do something about that maybe.]

That...actually does go a long way toward making it easier to accept, though, so I appreciate that too.

[explosivecombat]

That's a horrible thing to have said, isn't it.

[doitrockapella]

Is that rhetorical, or do you honestly want to know what I think about it?

[explosivecombat]

A bit of both.

[doitrockapella]

Honestly, I wouldn't have been entirely surprised if you had been worse to me than someone else, if only because I've often been treated that way by other people I've taken a stand against in the past. You remember it took me a long time to break my habit of instinctively taking things personally; that's at least part of the reason why.

That said, I think your current stance is quite considerate as far as treating me fairly when it comes to potentially blowing me up, and I respect that.

(And that was an attempt at humor, so I hope you smiled at it.)