explosivecombat | 027. [Text/Audio - Locked Rocket Frequency]

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[Well, the network is getting a somewhat saner post from Kimblee this time around; he seems to have settled quite a bit since the bout of whatever-that-was involving the rain and the Anoriths and the...crazy, let's not lie to ourselves.

So there's text again tonight, and not a whole lot of prelude or explanation with it.]

In the interest of equivalent exchange...what would be the largest sacrifice you would be willing to make, in order to receive whatever it is that you desire most? For the sake of argument, you would receive exactly what it is you want, without any hideous Monkey's-Paw, literal-genie side effects. Adhering to the spirit of the law as well as the letter. I don't care what it is in particular, and you don’t have to specify. Just whatever it is you want most. What would you be willing to sacrifice for it?

Ah, and assume that offering your own life isn't an option, because that renders the question an entirely moot point; however, I’m not saying lives in general are off-limits - if you'd kill a room full of strangers, then you would, and you won't offend my delicate sensibilities any by saying so. On the other hand, if you don't consider anything to be worth it, then I'll question your powers of imagination but so be it.

Answer anonymously, if you're more comfortable doing it that way; after all, I'm not looking to measure how depraved my acquaintances are - your name is of less concern to me than your answer.

[AUDIO - ROCKET FREQUENCY]

[Oh, look, apparently it's time for another one of these. This'll hit shortly after the text post, anyway.]

Well, it seems as though we've been rejoined by at least one of our fairly prolific former members in recent times, and our ranks are showing signs of increasing in numbers again – hopefully this time it'll stay that way, hm?

At any rate, it's good to see that the most recent round of assignments seems to have gone well, with the exceptions of a few small…setbacks. That was very cute, by the way, all three of you in Goldenrod – I trust you're all still in one piece? I'd like to hear from at least one of you, if you don't mind; it seems we have much to discuss.

Ah, but it's not all bad, if any of it truly is at all; I'd like to hear from all of you, if you don't mind. For those who aren't familiar with me, my name is Solf J Kimblee – I've been promoted several times within this organization, and I like to get to know our members personally.

[Technically true. He never said they were concurrent promotions.]

And for those who are familiar, I'd like to hear about what you've been doing with yourselves. Consider it a matter of curiosity - it's a good night for that.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, so you have a point there. I kind of distracted myself when I read back over my own words I guess. You know, one of those moments when you realize something about yourself when you never paid attention to it before? I guess, for me, it's what made the distinction so important.

You aren't the first person it's happened to.

And besides, if I've made you actually think about something today, I've done my job.

I've had... a lot of stuff to think about lately, actually. Most of said stuff actually really really sucks for me, but this... This actually helped. made me think of things more deeply I guess.

You aren't the only one; you're welcome to tell me what's been on your mind, however.

[There is a long moment of pause... and then it's shown that it's because he apparently had a great deal to say. And had been locking the text.]

So, we've talked a lot about dying and being alive and views on the afterlife and whatnot. I'd made peace with that whole 'being dead' thing, and I was really starting to be okay with it. Not... happy. No, not even a little happy, no matter what I'd been putting out there right? I mean, proud of the how but... more affected than I was acting like it was and...

It was a bit stupid futile mess that kind of is making me regret wishing that I'd lived because apparently there seemed to be some really strong indicators that not only did I live, I went completely off the deep end and decided that reality sucked so much I was going to stick everyone in a dream world. What kind of- It's so stupid and horrible and apparently involves me either personally or being directly responsible for the deaths of thousands and I'm not sure how I feel about any of this because that is NOT ME, and it's not something I would do.

How would ANY of that crap fix anything in the world? THAT is what I always wanted and I'm just. I wish I could delude myself into thinking it's misinformation or SOMETHING, but I don't...

It's not as hard to believe as I wish it was and that's the worst part.

So.

That's what's been on my mind.

[Well, he wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't that; goodness, he really should start charging all of you for his services.]

While I can't say that I commiserate - because I regret exactly nothing that I've done over the course of my life, and I know exactly why I've done everything that I ended up doing - I'm fairly sure that if I were to be told as recently as ten years ago exactly where I winded up back home, I would be at least somewhat confused, to put it lightly. Not appalled or disgusted, per se; just wondering what happened to cause all of that, because I was a different person back then.

All will make itself plain in time; that's the most we really have to work with. I don't believe in destiny, mind you, but there's surely a logical progression for what you've heard about. You may not like it, but if that's what's going to come to pass, there's no sense in concerning yourself about it when you aren't in a position to fathom it.

[Sorry Kimblee, you were the first person he's spoken to who he felt he could talk to this about. He trusts you for some reason.]

If it was just me I'd ignore it and go on with my business, I'm not even going to lie about that. I mean, I'd think about it, and pick at the possible reasons even if I couldn't understand it yet, but... I'd still let it be a thing that doesn't affect me.

Problem is, I'm not the only one who knows about it.

Maybe I should just sort out the feelings with those people as they come up? Yeah... I'll be doing that. Thank you for putting it in perspective though. Having it out there and laid out is... good. It makes it seem less terrible I guess.

I think the biggest part is that I don't understand it, and that bugs me, a lot, because the idea I would change like that, I dunno. I want to understand why. One of these days I'm going to regret my curiosity probably but...

But thank you in any case.

Don't mention it, and there's no sense in regretting one's curiosity. If the truth is unpleasant, so be it - but then, I've always been one of those people that can never really say I was better off not knowing something.

Pretty much exactly that. I mean. I'm not happy to know, but it's better I know now than get blindsided by someone with a grudge right?

So. Yeah. Curiosity hasn't ruined me yet, so I hope it stays that way.

Edited 2013-08-09 01:03 (UTC)

Exactly.

That's the thing about one's victims, whether they were intentionally victimized or not, and why you should get in the practice of remembering those with a reason to bear a grudge against you; never forget them, because they certainly won't forget you.

[Much as he hated that he had victims... he was still raised in a war.]

Yeah... pretty much the issue, that. Sensei has whole countries against him so I guess in a way it'll be a compliment that people from home are viewing me on the same level even though I'm obviously not that powerful yet.

Even if the reason sucks.

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