Regarding my work, and the situation back in Amestris.
[He pauses; he's smiling again, though the expression is dissonant. Wrong.]
It was interesting work, assisting the Homunculi; I never had any doubt that it would kill me eventually - but the payoff, I felt would be worth it. I sacrificed my personal freedom and control over my own fate, in exchange for the power to change the world. I was a weapon for all of them; for some of them, there may have been the same sort of fondness that you would afford a possession that you happen to like but can always replace if it breaks. Nothing terribly important; just inconvenient if something happens to it. And yet I worked with them, for my chance to change the world.
It gave me a reason to continue fighting. I had next to nothing back in Amestris, but I had a reason to continue fighting.
What do I have here?
[He's still smiling; his body has started to shake.]
I have no reason to continue existing. I have no proper field of battle. I certainly don't have my alchemy. I could disappear tomorrow and it would mean nothing to this world - to individuals, perhaps, but then they would disappear as well, and a fair few of them won't even remember that I existed in the first place. This is all I have, and there's nothing for me here; this world is focused entirely on things I don't experience, on feelings I don't have - do you think I'm unaware that I'm different from others? That's why I require my battlefield, so I can actually exist for however long the conflict lasts, so I can have a reason to see things through.
I was better off under constant threats, working for beings who held nothing but contempt for me at best and doing a job that I knew was going to kill me, than I am here. Do you think that I don't know what that says about me?
no subject
[He pauses; he's smiling again, though the expression is dissonant. Wrong.]
It was interesting work, assisting the Homunculi; I never had any doubt that it would kill me eventually - but the payoff, I felt would be worth it. I sacrificed my personal freedom and control over my own fate, in exchange for the power to change the world. I was a weapon for all of them; for some of them, there may have been the same sort of fondness that you would afford a possession that you happen to like but can always replace if it breaks. Nothing terribly important; just inconvenient if something happens to it. And yet I worked with them, for my chance to change the world.
It gave me a reason to continue fighting. I had next to nothing back in Amestris, but I had a reason to continue fighting.
What do I have here?
[He's still smiling; his body has started to shake.]
I have no reason to continue existing. I have no proper field of battle. I certainly don't have my alchemy. I could disappear tomorrow and it would mean nothing to this world - to individuals, perhaps, but then they would disappear as well, and a fair few of them won't even remember that I existed in the first place. This is all I have, and there's nothing for me here; this world is focused entirely on things I don't experience, on feelings I don't have - do you think I'm unaware that I'm different from others? That's why I require my battlefield, so I can actually exist for however long the conflict lasts, so I can have a reason to see things through.
I was better off under constant threats, working for beings who held nothing but contempt for me at best and doing a job that I knew was going to kill me, than I am here. Do you think that I don't know what that says about me?