Ah, well, from what I understand, the game itself is called "Pokémon," but what I'm referring to as "this" is the region we're in, known as Johto; there's another region a good distance from here called Kanto, you can get there by taking the train, but all of us wake up in Johto at the start, seemingly at random. Some of us wake up in New Bark Town, which is a good distance away, and some of us wake up here; depending on where you wake up, you're sorted onto...well, I suppose to put it into your terms, "good guys" and "bad guys", though I wouldn't simplify it that far myself. You either wake up in New Bark Town as either a trainer or a breeder - your "good guys" - or in Goldenrod City - that would be us, and I suppose we're serving as the "bad guys."

[Lord almighty, this is going to make his head explode; he's actually incredibly grateful that he's had conversations with people who understand how these sorts of games work and what Pokémon...is, however.]

The point of the game appears to be to collect several Pokémon - those would be creatures like your bossy armadillo - and train them to be strong fighters; the goal is to use the creatures to fight a series of people known as Gym Leaders. If you defeat their creatures with yours, they give you a badge. Such as...ah.

[Give him a moment, let him dig his case out; he flips it open easily, revealing all eight of Johto's Gym Badges inside.]

These. As I said, that appears to be the point, but I don't believe that to be the case; obviously, I've collected all the badges and therefore "won" the game, but I still haven't been able to leave the game itself, which is supposed to be the prize.

I think I've discovered what the true objective is - perhaps you can assist me with it, should you want to escape the game so badly.